


Fathers

by ithilien22



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-04
Updated: 2008-05-04
Packaged: 2017-12-21 04:41:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/895917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithilien22/pseuds/ithilien22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noah comes to grips with the idea of being a father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fathers

When the adoption agency calls, Luke and Noah are having dinner with Luke’s family at the farmhouse. After he hangs up the phone, Luke looks at Noah and his smile is the biggest that Holden has ever seen. 

No one had expected anything to happen this quickly, but everyone agrees that it couldn’t have happened to a better couple. Congratulations are heard all around, and Lily starts crying when she goes to hug Luke. Emma says that she thinks there might be some champagne in the cellar.

It’s not until glasses are being filled and toasts proposed, that Holden realizes that Noah has disappeared in all the excitement. He checks the living room and the parlor, but both are empty. He walks back through the kitchen and peers out the door to the back porch and finds Noah sitting out on the bench by himself. 

Holden pauses in the doorway for a moment and then takes a seat next to his son in law.

“You want to talk about it?” he asks, after the silence stretches over several minutes.

“I guess I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon,” Noah answers, “I mean, everyone talks about it being this long process, so I just thought…”

“Isn’t this what you want?” Holden asks when Noah pauses.

Noah considers for a moment, thinking about how excited he had been when he and Luke first starting talking about trying to adopt a child.

“I thought so,” he says finally.

“But now you have doubts,” Holden finishes for him.

“Not about Luke,” Noah says, giving a half smile. “He’s going to be an amazing dad. But me? I don’t know, I just worry that maybe…”

He trails off, gazing avidly at his shoes. Holden’s eyes widen with a sudden understanding. He places a hand on Noah’s shoulder, causing Noah to look back up at him.

“You’re not your father,” Holden tells him softly.

Noah’s eyes fill with tears and he looks away once again.

“But what if I screw this up as badly as he did?” he whispers.

“You won’t,” Holden tells him, his voice sure. “And do you want to know why? Because you’re a hundred times the man that he is. And because you’ve got Luke.”

“You know, I was always a little bit jealous of Luke,” Noah admits, when he finds the courage to look back up at Holden, “that he had you. That his dad actually loved him.”

“And now this little girl is going to have _two_ dads that love her,” Holden replies softly. “What could be better than that?”

Noah smiles despite himself. Holden pats Noah’s knee and slowly stands up, heading back inside.

“You coming back in?” he asks, pausing at the door.

“In a minute,” Noah answers.

When Holden is gone, Noah sits silently on the bench, reliving various pieces of his childhood. It hadn’t all been bad. Some of it had been really good, even. But he constantly wondered whether or not he was good enough – whether or not his father really loved him. He didn’t want that for his daughter.

Luke comes out onto the porch a few minutes later, probably having spoken to Holden. He wraps his arms around the man he loves and whispers, “we’re going to be fathers,” in this small, awestruck voice.

Noah turns towards him with a smile and pulls him into a gentle kiss.

“But what if we’re not any good at it?” Noah asks, trying to keep his voice light and playful. 

Of course, Luke sees right through his attempt at sounding nonchalant. Somehow, he always seems to know exactly what Noah is thinking. Or maybe Noah’s just never been very good at hiding his feelings.

“We’ll figure it out,” Luke assures him, his voice filled with confidence. “We’ll figure it out, together.”

And for some reason, coming from Luke, Noah really believes that they will.


End file.
